What Is This

First off, I want to say that I am excited that I'm FINALLY starting my blog. It's been a long time coming. El.oh.el. ANYWAYS. For the longest time, I couldn't figure out what to start off writing about, but I got my inspiration last night. So I was coming back to my dorm after leaving a concert. I was texting my bestfriend/ex-boyfriend. SMH. Eye.knw....it sounds bad. El.oh.el. Well he decided that we should Oovoo each other. I happily agreed, because i had nothing to do. PLUS, I hadn't seen him in a while, and #lowkey wanted to. So he called me, and when I saw him, all I could say was WOW. He...looked...SO...GOOD. But I didn't allow his looks to phase me any. We talked...had a nice little convo. Then things started to get a little...UGH for me. He started to talk about his girlfriend, like he USUALLY did when we talked, but this time photos were involved. He showed me pictures of his girlfriend and then them together. I had nothing to say. I was speechless. I mean...what was I supposed to say??? He noticed something was wrong. It showed on my face. He asked, but I quickly brushed it off and went back to my energetic self. We eventually ended our convo and said our goodbyes, but I was still left withthose thoughts. Those "what-if's" or "maybes". Did I still love him or was I just dwelling on past moments because he had someone else??? I WANTED TO KNOW!!! What was this that I was feeling??? UGH. I just know that I didn't like it. The next morning those thoughts were gone...SOMEWHAT. I realized that it's not really the fact that I was missing him, as much as it was that I missed THAT, being in a relationship. I'm not bitter or anything. I'm happy for him. I just want that back. *sighs* WELL...it's okay because i can focus on BETTER things, like my blog. El.oh.el. I'm not gonna go crazy looking for the next guy to have a relationship with. When it happens...it'll happen.